Rakeville Times: Gray days for URake

Marshawn Lynch has only thrown one pass this season, but it went for a touchdown. Bledsoe never had him throw again. If he had, would Rakeville be in the playoffs?


Gray Days for URake
By Aviator McShadeless, Rakeville Times

Last week’s loss to last place Arizona not only bounced Rakeville University from the bowl picture, but it also ended the Grays consecutive sellout streak at the Claffey Coliseum.

“I think the novelty has worn off,” said fan Tom Medios. “Students and alumni were just excited to have a national level football team here, but it became pretty clear that they were well out of the bowl hunt. A game against the last place team wasn’t much of a draw.”

URake can rely on injuries as an excuse, but even with their full compliment of players, it is unlikely the Grays would be a top-ranked team.

“We can’t stop offenses, we can’t run the ball. We can’t win games until we are a total team,” said Drew Bledsoe after the week 10 beating. When ask later about the players he will rely on next season, the head coach droned mournfully, “I don’t know who will be back next season. I can’t tell you who is going to start. I’m just looking to next week, then a whole bunch of fishing trips soon after.”

While fishing seems to be on the agenda, URake’s scouting department has been going full steam over the season, looking for recruits for next season. Athletic Director Mike Mizanin has funneled a lot of money into recruitment, not just for football, but for all of URake teams. The gridiron Grays look to benefit the most though.

“We think we’ll be able to sign a top five recruit this offseason,” said Mizanin.

Here in 2007, that is all they have to look forward to.

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Gridiron Gazette: Goal Line Stand (Week 11)

With the rain pouring down and the field a complete disaster, Golden's Jeff Reed nailed a 24-yard game winning field goal against Stardust University. The kick eliminated three teams from playoff contention, including the defending champion Crazy Horses, in a finish that is sure to go down as the greatest in FAC-10 history.







Goal Line Stand (Week 11)
Cam Pannalist, Gridiron Gazette



"Clutch" is a difficult label to be celebrated. If a quarterback goes 29-30 for 450 yards and 4 touchdowns but throws an interception in overtime, he's given the blame. However, if another goes 5-30 and his only touchdown caps a game-winning drive with 20 seconds left, he's considered a hero?

It's not exactly fair, but neither is being forced to play on a poorly kept field with 2 weeks remaining in the season and your playoff life on the line. That is what Golden University was given in their Week 10 matchup against Stardust. Las Vegas had gotten rain the entire week, and the field was far from perfect. A win by Stardust would put both teams at 5-5 going into the final week, with just 1 playoff spot available.

Golden, trailing by 2.93 points, marched down the field with 3:45 left in the 4th quarter. Gryphons kicker Jeff Reed had already missed an easy field goal earlier in the game, so the offense took no chances as they got as close as they could. Reed's "clutch" kick not only destroyed Stardust's chances at the playoffs this year, but Bud Heavy and Rakeville's as well.

And so we are left with 7 teams for 6 post-season spots. Barring a 200-point output by Athol, Fitchburg Tech and Gillespie State have locked up the 2 byes. Let's take a look at the rest of the seedings:


(3) Athol A&M
The Alckys hung on by a thread down the stretch, loosing 3 in a row after starting the season 6-0 but winning last week against Anheuser-Busch. The victory clinched a playoff spot for themselves, but they still have a lot of work to do. Their final game is against Gillespie State, and the Black Diamonds would like nothing more than to enter the playoffs with a win. 187 points over the past two games has Athol thinking upset, keeping them in 3rd. A loss could drop them all the way to 6th place.
Predicted finish: 7-4, 6th seed

(4) University of Mexico
The bye week came at a perfect time for the Wildcats, as it allowed the four teams above them to beat the hell out of each other. Although they have not officially clinched a playoff spot yet, their offense is the 2nd best in the conference, which is an excellent tiebreaker for Mexico to have at this point. A win combined with an Athol loss will give them the #3 seed. They face DUBA, who struggled against Bud Heavy (11th rated offense in the league) last week.
Predicted finish: 7-4, 3rd seed

(5) Anheuser-Busch University
It's difficult for a single player to carry a team, but that's exactly what RB Adrian Peterson has been doing all season for AB. A knee injury has held the rookie out the past two weeks, and two losses proves their need for a solid running game. Peterson is back this week against Stardust, who is still recovering from their last-second defeat at the foot of Jeff Reed and Golden U. Momentum is in short supply for both teams, but look for Peterson to step up his game and come through in the clutch.
Predicted finish: 7-4, 4th seed

(6) Golden University
If momentum is anywhere, its in Colorado this week. Even luckier for the Gryphons is that Bud Heavy is in town for the final week of the season. The King has been unable to score points, failing to reach 50 for the past five weeks. Golden has won 4 out of 5 to give themselves this chance, and there's no way they're going to let it slip away at the hands of the worst offense in the league.
Predicted finish: 7-4, 5th seed

(7) Dublin University of Brewery Arts
Unlike Fitchburg Tech in Week 6, DUBA coaches made the decision to bench WR Hines Ward on Monday night with their game already won. Unfortunately, it may come back to haunt them as the tiebreaker to get into the playoffs is total points, and Dublin is far from safe in that department. If the Octoberfests can steal a win in Mexico, they'll need a loss from Golden to have any realistic chance at the post-season. If Golden loses and still manages to outscore DUBA by 8 points, it'll be a cold winter in Dublin.
Predicted finish: 5-6, 7th place

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Week 10 Matchups
(1) Fitchburg State over (9) Rakeville
(2) Gillespie State over (3) Athol A&M
(4) Mexico over (7) Dublin
(5) Anheuser-Busch over (8) Stardust
(6) Golden over (10) Bud Heavy
(11) Arizona-Kickery over Bye

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Power Rankings
1. Fitchburg Tech (+1)
2. Mexico (+1)
3. Athol A&M (+4)
4. Gillespie State (-3)
5. Golden ( - )
6. Dublin (-2)
7. Arizona-Kickery (+3)
8. Anheuser-Busch (-2)
9. Rakeville (-1)
10. Stardust (-1)
11. Bud Heavy ( - )

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League Notes
- After dropping out of Rakeville University over a month ago, QB Matt Leinart was accepted to Arizona-Kickery this week. AZK became his top choice for 2008 after a solid promotion of the school's dance program.

- The quarterback controversy in Athol has students split right down the middle. Carson Palmer supporters have started a "CP = TD" campaign, while Brett Favre fans have been riding around campus in wheelchairs.

- Golden's victory over Stardust eliminated youth-minded Rakeville from the playoffs. When asked to comment, Head Coach Drew Bledsoe said, "Whew, that was a close one."

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Gridiron Gazette: Goal Line Stand (Week 10)

Gillespie State has plenty to be thankful for, nothing more special than superstar WR Terrell Owens. Two years ago, the team tried to trade him out of town, but nobody was biting. Now, comfortably sitting atop the FBCS, the Black Diamonds couldn't imagine life without #81.




Goal Line Stand (Week 10)
Cam Pannalist, Gridiron Gazette



It's November, a time to give thanks for all that we have in our lives. For the 11 teams of the FAC-10, there is plenty to be thankful for:


- Arizona-Kickery hasn't had the best of times this season, but they should be very thankful that their lack of success will be rewarded when the 2008 draft comes around. Plenty of options should be available to them at the top of the draft board, including a freshman class full of quality running backs.

- Sure, everybody loves a win, but nobody is more thankful for one than Bud Heavy University. After 4 straight losses, The King was finally given a bye week, which ensured them a chance at making the playoffs. Sure, it's not the BEST chance, but its that glimmer of hope that will keep Bud Heavy competitive for the next two weeks.

- It's quite possible that a team's chemistry can be destroyed having a new passer each week, but Rakeville has barely survived with their quarterback-by-committee. The Grays are truly thankful for a rule in the FAC-10 that allows them to sign and release players whenever they wish, which has been beneficial with future star QB Matt Leinart out for the year. Rakeville will be even more thankful if their quarterback (whoever it is this week) can sneak them into the playoffs.

- Who loves legalized gambling more than sports stars? Thanks to their comfortable home in Las Vegas, Stardust University has been a favorite of big-time free agents and trade chips. Marvin Harrison, LenDale White, Ben Roethlisberger, and most recently Ricky Williams have all chosen the SUCH over other destinations. Being the league's favorite city is something to truly be thankful for.

- There hasn't been much for the Dublin University of Brewery Arts to be thankful for this season, as they sit in 7th place at 4-5. However, thanks to the golden arm of QB Tony Romo, they've scored over 80 points in their last four games, going 3-1 and building the 5th ranked offense in the league. If Romo and company can continue their recent hot streak, they should sneak into the postseason and use their momentum at a run for the championship.

- In the first two years of the FAC-10's existence, there were never any in-season trades. This year, with a whopping 3 trades prior to the deadline, it was no surprise when Golden took advantage and upgraded at 2 important positions. The Gryphons snagged QB Peyton Manning and WR Roy Williams, while sacrificing very little. Golden is more than thankful for a league in which teams are not afraid of change, and ones that give him a top-3 quarterback and a top-20 wide receiver.

- Nothing looks better to a team fighting for playoff position than watching the four teams above them all playing each other while they sit comfortably in a bye week. Mexico is more than thankful for Week 10, which guarantees them at least 4th place by Tuesday. If the Wildcats can take care of Dublin to finish off the season, they just might be thankful for a 1st round playoff bye as well.

- It may not be as obvious, but Athol A&M is truly thankful for the easiest schedule in the league from Week 1 through 6. For the first time in three years, the Alckys were playing with confidence, and their record reflected their effort. Since then, they've gone 0-3, but the fast start has winning on their minds, and should help them into the playoffs.

- How can you not be thankful for the top rookie of the year candidate? Anheuser-Busch has been riding the coat tails of RB Adrian Peterson all season. Even with the 22 year old sitting out with a knee injury, AB can still give thanks for the position their top draft pick has put them in.

- Fitchburg Tech is thankful for its players, in which all 7 of its skill players fall within the top 50 rated in the league. Everyone knows what QB Tom Brady (1st) and WR Randy Moss (2nd) have done, but its the supporting cast of RBs Joseph Addai (9) and Clinton Portis (21), WRs Plaxico Burress (35) and Santonio Holmes (38), and TE Tony Gonzalez (42) that have solidified Tech as the best offense in the league.

- For the first time in years, there is major parity within the league. Ten out of Eleven teams have 4 wins or more, and all ten have a shot at the playoffs with just 2 weeks left in the season. Gillespie State is thankful for the parity, for while everyone else is beating each other up, the Black Diamonds just keep winning. With a win this weekend against #2 Fitchburg Tech, they can clinch their 2nd regular season title in 3 years.

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Week 10 Matchups
(1) Gillespie State over (2) Fitchburg Tech
(4) Athol A&M over (3) Anheuser-Busch
(6) Golden over (8) Stardust
(10) Bud Heavy over (7) Dublin
(11) Arizona-Kickery over (9) Rakeville
(5) Mexico over Bye

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Power Rankings
1. Gillespie State ( - )
2. Fitchburg Tech (+1)
3. Mexico (+1)
4. Dublin (+1)
5. Golden (+2)
6. Anheuser-Busch (-4)
7. Athol A&M (+1)
8. Rakeville (-2)
9. Stardust ( - )
10. Arizona-Kickery ( - )
11. Bud Heavy ( - )

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League Notes
- Stardust University signed free agent RB Ricky Williams this week. Williams had offers from Athol and Golden, but chose Las Vegas because it's easier to get drugs there.

- Thanks to a 3 team trade deadline deal, Peyton and Eli Manning will both be playing for the Golden Gryphons. Parents Archie and Olivia are relieved they will no longer need to make excuses about skipping Eli's games.

- Arizona-Kickery's loss this past weekend mathematically eliminated them from the playoffs. WR Marvin Harrison, who was traded to Stardust prior to the game, hasn't stopped smiling.

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Rakeville Times: Intramural Intrigue

JaMarcus Russell shows teammates a trick he learned during practice. When will Bledsoe give the promising quarterback a chance to start?



Intramural Intrigue
By Aviator McShadelss

Drew Bledsoe has had many surprises in Rakeville University’s inaugural season. An injury to their starting running back Cadillac Williams opened a slot for breakout freshman Marshawn Lynch. Touted Sophomore passer Matt Leinart broke his collarbone early in the season, and since then URake has gone through six replacement while stud freshman JaMarcus Russell sits on the end of the Grays bench.

Now, with only three games left in the season, URake’s chance at a bowl game is fading fast.

“Every team has had injuries,” said Bledsoe. “We can’t make excuses for our poor play. I’m not looking to win a National Championship this year, but I am looking at these players and making sure they develop.”

Some critics argue that the best way to develop a player is to play him, and Russell has yet to take a snap for the Grays.

“JaMarcus isn’t ready to play yet,” he said of the red-shirted quarterback. “He has a lot of physical tools, but hasn’t shown he has the mental ability to perform at the college level. I’m not saying we won’t play this season, but I don’t envision a situation where he will excel over the intramural quarterbacks we have been pulling from the student body.”

Bledsoe’s hatred for Russell has not gone unnoticed. While teammates won’t speak out, there are quiet murmurings that the head coach is biased against JaMarcus.

“Bledsoe has been really screwy all year regarding his quarterbacks,” said Rex Mashson, an analyst with WRAK. “He kept bringing in backups mid-game when Leinart was starting, and has only played crappy walk-on passers since the injury. How can you tell me Sage Rosenfels, a chemistry major, is a better quarterback than Russell, a basket weaving major?”

David Garrard starts for the Grays this week in a matchup against the University of Mexico. Both teams are 4-4.

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Gridiron Gazette: Goal Line Stand (Week 9)

Adrian Peterson has turned expansion Anheuser-Busch into a serious championship contender. However, an injured knee will keep the 21 year old out this week against Golden. Can AB be competitive without their record-setting rookie?








Goal Line Stand (Week 9)
Cam Pannalist, Gridiron Gazette



With just three weeks remaining in the regular season, all 11 teams still have a chance at making the playoffs. And once the playoffs start, like the annoying motto goes, "Anything can happen."

In order to make sure your team isn't on the outside looking in, there are 5 important aspects to follow when molding your championship contender:


1. Running Back
Backs are the easiest position to predict success. Even the best in the league won't rush for 1000 yards if their offensive line is terrible, but for the most part a quality running back holds his fate in his own hands. QBs are only good if the receiver catches the ball, and the receiver can only be good if their quarterback gets the ball to them. Ironically, kickers are only good if their offense is bad enough not to get the ball in the end zone. Having solid running backs throughout the season is much more important than getting a lucky 200 yard performance in any given week.
Best Advantage: Fitchburg Tech, Bud Heavy


2. Quarterback
In order to be successful, you must have a successful player under center. 10 of the top 15 quarterbacks are currently on playoff teams. There is of course that rare occasion where the rest of the team is bad enough and the QB cannot carry them (like Tony Romo in Dublin) but, as been example this season, your passer's ability parallels your team's wins.
Best Advantage: Fitchburg Tech, Anheuser-Busch


3. Defense
The unsung heroes of a team is definitely their defense. The difference between holding an opponent to 3 points or 7 points can mean the game for your team, as demonstrated in the Week 8 matchup between Gillespie State and Mexico. The dominance of Seattle's DEF gave Gillespie State 17 points in a comeback that gave them a win by 0.67. A game can come down to just 1 sack, and having a solid, productive defense to compliment your offense is extremely valuable. Unfortunately, defenses can sometimes be hit or miss, like in the case of Chicago and Baltimore this year, but getting the right one can be great for you.
Best Advantage: Dublin, Golden


4. Trade Bait
The best part about this piece of playoff hopefulness is that you don't even have to be in the playoff hunt to be successful with it. Teams building for next year can be some of the most important players in the trading game. Are you in last place, holding onto that 32 year old running back who is having a fantastic season? Send him to a contender for a back on injured reserve and a draft pick. Is your 40 year old quarterback shredding apart defenses? Go and get that 21 year old receiver who's 1 offseason away from becoming productive. The most important key to being a shark at the trade deadline is addressing other people's needs and not getting into useless negotiations. Why try and trade your veteran QB to Fitchburg Tech or Stardust University?
Best Advantage: Athol A&M (QB), Bud Heavy (RB), Mexico (WR)


5. Schedule
The single most important ingredient for success in a playoff run is your schedule. Nothing boosts your confidence more than seeing the 1-10 Shmucks on your remaining schedule. In the FAC-10, teams are lucky enough to get a bye week once a season, and 3 teams still have yet to face them. Mexico, Bud Heavy, and Arizona-Kickery won the late-season-bye-week lottery, which should give all three teams huge confidence going into the playoffs. Mexico also gets to face (8) Rakeville and (9) Dublin, but if Kickery's recent victory is any indication, its that the teams at the bottom of the standings are fully ready to play spoiler.
Best Advantage: Mexico, Golden, Dublin

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Week 9 Matchups
(1) Gillespie State over (11) Arizona-Kickery
(2) Fitchburg Tech over (4) Athol A&M
(3) Anheuser-Busch over (6) Golden
(5) Mexico over (8) Rakeville
(9) Dublin over (7) Stardust
(10) Bud Heavy over Bye

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Power Rankings
1. Gillespie State ( - )
2. Anheuser-Busch (+1)
3. Fitchburg Tech (-1)
4. Mexico ( - )
5. Dublin (+4)
6. Rakeville (+2)
7. Golden (-1)
8. Athol A&M (-3)
9. Stardust (-2)
10. Arizona-Kickery (+1)
11. Bud Heavy (-1)

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League Notes
- David Garrard will be the 5th quarterback to start for the Rakeville Grays this season. Quarterback Coach Greg Anderson had no comment on his players' recent string of injuries.

- The celebration that followed Arizona-Kickery's first victory of the season was intense. Four players still remain unaccounted for, and Greg Jennings's hand will never smell the same.

- Anheuser-Busch RB Adrian Peterson did not travel with the team to Golden this week. Apparently, the temptation of beer would have been too much for the recovering alcoholic.

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Gridiron Gazette: Goal Line Stand (Week 8)

Excited Mexico University fans stormed the field after their big win over #1 Athol A&M last week. Athol's schedule doesn't get any easier the rest of the way, and the once 6-0 Alckys are now actually in danger of missing the playoffs.





Goal Line Stand (Week 8)
Cam Pannalist, Gridiron Gazette




Last Friday, I sat down at my desk, ready to write my Week 7 GLS article when I realized... I had nothing to write about. Sure, Fitchburg Tech and Mexico could have been the game of the year (no offense to Golden/Gillespie State), and Arizona-Kickery scoring over 80 points was the most disappointing defeat thus far (no offense to Mexico's 92 point loss in Week 4), but it really became a story-less situation for me.

So instead of writing a watered-down article to appease my editor, I called in a sick day. Yes, a person who works from home and has an entire week to write one article decided to call in sick.

Luckily, two weeks of e-mails fill my inbox, so I decided to share some of my replies with you:



"Can Athol rebound from their loss to Mexico, or is it all down hill from here?"
-Faith Phull
-Gardner, MA

What Athol did for the first six weeks of the season cannot be overlooked. Sure, their competition was a bit weak (combined 13-23) but the defense held each opponent under 60 points. Unfortunately for the Alckys, their remaining schedule includes (1) Fitchburg Tech, (2) Gillespie State, and (4) Anheuser-Busch. With the winless Arizona Kickers finally scoring points, Athol has a good chance of finishing the season 0-4, which may just keep them out of the playoffs.



"Which 3-4 team has the best chance of making the playoffs?"
-Chris Jenkins
-Reno, NV

Stardust, Rakeville, and Bud Heavy are all underachieving this season, and it looks like none of them will make the playoffs. Bud Heavy's schedule is the easiest, with an interesting matchup in the final week of the season against (6) Golden University. However, with their inability to score points (11th ranked offense in the league), they could blow a perfect opportunity. Rakeville has to deal with Mexico and Fitchburg Tech, so they'll need some luck. Stardust has the best chance, with a solid offense and a bye week this week, but in all honesty I do not see any of these teams getting into the postseason.



"Can ANYTHING save Bud Heavy's miserable offense?"
-Kent Skor
-Tacoma, WA

There really is nothing to help this team save an act of God... or maybe, their Athletic Director. The trade deadline is still 6 days away, and The King is overstocked with above-average running backs. Their receiving core is in shambles, so maybe they could make a RB-WR swap with someone. Golden, Mexico, Fitchburg Tech, and even Athol have some extra receivers that could help salvage Bud Heavy's season and push them into the playoffs.



"Who's taking home the regular season title?"
-Mike Haddy
-Lake Falls, CO

As I said before, Athol's (6-1) remaining games are just too tough for them to compete for the conference. Gillespie State (6-1) has to deal with Fitchburg Tech and Mexico, as well as a revived Kickery team. Fitchburg Tech (6-1), in addition to Gillespie State, has Anheuser-Busch this week missing their top 2 scoring options... so who takes the conference when its all said and done? That's right, it's the expansion Anheuser-Busch (5-2) who could easily finish the season 4-0, as long as their QB Derek Anderson keeps up his Cinderella season. After Fitchburg, they have Stardust, Athol, and Golden. Barring any miraculous upsets, AB should end up our 3rd regular season champion in 3 years.



"Even though he only scored 3.5 points last week, Arizona-Kickery's decision NOT to start Donnie Edwards at defense was ridiculous... are the Kickers tanking the rest of the season for the #1 draft pick?"
-Skip Tikkle
-Fitchburg, MA

With 11 teams currently in the league, and a 12th expected to join in 2008, there really isn't any chance the Kickers will get the number ONE pick... though the way they're going, they will end up with #2, and it's really a shame. The Arizona coaching staff clearly decided not to show up to last week's matchup with Fitchburg Tech, completely destroying any credibility this team has in the FAC-10. With an obvious tanking strategy in place, don't be surprised if some teams call for their resignation from the conference at the end of the season.



"#1 vs. #2 offense... what do you think is the over/under for this week's Anheuser-Busch and Fitchburg Tech matchup?"
-Max Keller
-Beerville, ME

Since their 120-92 whooping of Mexico in Week 4, AB has been slowly working their way to the 2nd ranked offense in the league. Sure, they're 150 points behind #1 Fitchburg, but this team is putting up unbelievable numbers. Meanwhile, Fitchburg is all business each and every week, averaging 110 points in 6 of 7 games (they scored just 63 against Golden in Week 3). With Randy Moss and Tom Brady sitting out this week's game, however, don't expect anything over 70 points from the Red Raiders. Over/Under for this game should be about 170.

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Week 8 Matchups
(4) Anheuser-Busch over (1) Fitchburg Tech
(5) Mexico over (2) Gillespie State
(11) Arizona-Kickery over (3) Athol A&M
(6) Golden over (10) Dublin
(8) Rakeville over (9) Bud Heavy
(7) Stardust over Bye

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Power Rankings
1. Gillespie State (+1)
2. Fitchburg Tech (+1)
3. Anheuser-Busch (+2)
4. Mexico ( - )
5. Athol A&M (-5)
6. Golden (+1)
7. Stardust (+1)
8. Rakeville (-2)
9. Dublin (+1)
10. Bud Heavy (-1)
11. Arizona-Kickery ( - )

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League Notes
- When Mexico defeated Athol A&M last week, fans stormed the field and tore down the goalposts. Much to the disappointment of the students, the uprights came right down as they had been simply hammered into the hot desert sand.

- Golden, Mexico, and Arizona-Kickery finally updated their trade blocks. Golden and Mexico listed Tight End as a desired position, while Arizona listed, "Anyone who can get us a fucking win."

- Fitchburg Tech's Tom Brady and Randy Moss are listed as inactive for this week's matchup against Anheuser-Busch. Brady will be working at a soup kitchen in downtown Los Angeles, while Moss plans on TP'ing Daunte Culpepper's house.

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