Bo Knows The S.U.C.H.

What more can a FAC-10 Champion do to improve the team? Most would assume not much, but THE Stardust University Crazy Horses have made a few adjustments, not so much on the field, but off the field, and in the kitchen?

By: Max Powers/Reno Weekly Rag


After entering the 2006 season as one of three expansion teams, Athletic Director Adam Howe didn't know what to expect from not only his recruits but from the league his school was invited to join. He had heard good things from the inaugural season, and was eager to join in on the action, as he felt like there would be more opportunity for his school's sports program to promote themselves and future recruits by being in a prime league. He never expected to to surprise everyone, including himself, by winning the FAC-10 Championship by knocking out fellow expansion school You're With Me Leather U.

"We were dumbfounded and excited at the same time. We knew we had a chance once the regular season and defending champs [University of Mexico] were knocked out in the semi-finals," commented Howe, "We knew anything was possible after that happened."

The school held a press conference last week to announce two major changes for this coming season. First off, the announced a new addition to the school's faculty, Mr. Bo Jackson. He was announced as the Assistant Athletic Director/Residential Director/Marketing Director/President of the Debate Team/Dining Hall Chef/Music Director of KTSU/Biology Department Chair/Librarian/Head Groundskeeper/School Veterinarian/Dean of Student Affairs/Chief of Campus Security. The title was given to Mr. Jackson so that he could make decisions and changes around the school without having to appease different department heads throughout the school.

"It was a big hire for us. I'm glad to have Bo working under me. He knows a lot of things and I just he'll know just what to do in every situation he is put in here at Stardust," remarked A.D. Adam Howe.

The second part of the press conference was organized and present by Director of Marketing Bo Jackson himself. It was announced that the school will be marketing itself as "THE S.U.C.H." (THE Stardust University Crazy Horses) in the coming season.

"After winning the FAC-10 championship, we're expecting a lot of sales of school memorabilia this coming school year. Shirts, hats, pennants, coffee mugs, socks, fold out chairs, suitcases, and futons are all expected to sell out in the first week. We're going to have to produce a lot of new merchandise and it will be much more cost efficient for us to use less letters on these items than last year. We've decided to go with the anagram The S.U.C.H. for this main reason, and we hope the name sticks in the minds of the fans for this season and many season to come," commented Jackson at the press conference held last week.